Redesigning Life through Dance
The flight, fight or freeze response is an automatic, involuntary, survival mechanism triggered by the brain when perceiving threat or extreme stress. Today, is my attempt to thaw out the frozen line between my thoughts and fingertips, so I can move into a new, warmer season.
It was a cold November day when I decided to rejoin my local gym, Optimal Sport Newtown. It had been my pandemic home away from home, the single place that gave me just enough air to survive at times. While I had been enjoying the YMCA and all that it offered, I had the sudden urge to realign with my past and straighten out the crooked lines that shaped my life.
I suppose I was pulled in by all the social media hype of Ignite Fitness aligning with Optimal Sport Newtown, but I could sense it was not hype at all. That there was going to be something special about this alignment and that I needed to be a part of it.
And just like that, I rejoined on a Friday, the day before the alignment, and had mentally committed to trying out the Dance Fitness class on Saturday. It was a surprising commitment for me to choose since I rarely took classes, but something was pulling me in.
I arrive early on Saturday morning, stroll casually into the studio and hope no one will notice how out of place I feel. I see groups of women standing together, talking, laughing, connecting like old friends. A few confident looking people stretching on their own and what looks like an instructor getting her music ready.
Suddenly concerned my breakfast may make a return, my ego tries to talk me out of staying. Maybe we can just watch the first class from the window. This feels like a private party we weren’t invited to…
I then walk out of the studio and head to the locker room. As I note the framed mantra on the wall, I slide into the stall and say it aloud: Come as you are. I laugh to myself that I am literally hiding in the bathroom stall after reading that mantra. And just like that, I pull myself together and go back to class, assessing if the back of the room would be the best spot.
That is, until I heard her voice lulling me into her space. I pause long enough to notice the filled room, then turn towards her. And while I’m certain she wasn’t speaking, I somehow heard, come on in…I have been waiting for you. And at that, I slipped into the front row.
If I’m going to be here, I might as well really be here.
“My name is Chris and I’m so happy you are here! There are no mistakes in this class,” she said, “only solos! So, let’s have some fun!”
I had a flashback of my first hip hop class decades before and remembered the instructor saying, if you want to dance freely, you need to dance like no one is watching. And so, I planted my feet and pretended it was just me, and her.
Within minutes of the music playing, I felt connected to these strangers as we danced…separate, but somehow as one. The faster my heart pounded, the more I craved the energy in the room.
My brain worked overtime to get the steps right, while my body felt joy it had not felt in ages. I envied the people that were following in perfect step. Those that were able to sing and smile, all while moving in step with the instructor. I was acutely aware of the ease in which people moved their bodies and how mine felt so restrained.
When had I become so stiff? Fearful of letting go?
I didn’t know the answer to that but was certain of the soothing of my soul. The connection, freedom, acceptance, and joy that overflowed from the instructor to everyone in that room. Though my legs were burning and my heart rate was through the roof, I quickly realized this workout was less about making my heart stronger, and more about making my life better. Even though I was sure it would do both!
This was just the freedom my mind, body and spirit needed after being stifled for so long. This was the opposite of trying to stand straighter, poised and quieter. In fact, this, was the opposite of my life for several decades and was exactly what I needed as I rounded the corner of 60 years around the sun.
Within a few weeks, obsessed with Saturday morning dance, I noticed my shoulders lowering, my smile arriving freely and my body beginning to loosen. And then one day, as I began to sing with the music, I let out a loud WOO in time with everyone else in class. The freedom in hearing my shared joy aloud, bringing tears to my eyes. Because in that moment, I realized exactly why I needed to come back to Optimal Sport Newtown. Not just for the workout and dance…but to find my voice again.